


Being Johanna Mason

by Blurry_Lights



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types
Genre: 70th Hunger Games, 75th Hunger Games, Canon-Typical Violence, Hunger Games-Typical Death/Violence, Oneshot, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:48:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28306287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blurry_Lights/pseuds/Blurry_Lights
Summary: Being Johanna Mason has just got to be a lot of anger, right?
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	Being Johanna Mason

**Author's Note:**

> TW for self-harm. Nothing too graphic, though.

Being Johanna Mason has just got to be a lot of anger, right?

It’s so much more than that.

It’s shaking uncontrollably when you get reaped. 

It’s the look in your eyes when you burst into fake tears and figure out your plan.

It’s the stupid interview dress designed like a tree that your stylist makes you wear.

It’s throwing an axe in training and missing deliberately.

It’s crying and falling to the floor during your interview.

It’s begging and pleading an unarmed tribute not to kill you until they get uncomfortable enough to run away.

It’s waiting.

It’s just like how you used to play pretend when you were a kid, you tell yourself.

It’s not, though.

It’s finally hearing that cannon you’ve been waiting for.

It’s breaking the act.

It’s throwing up the first time you see a human heart up close after you drove an axe into another Tribute’s chest.

It’s getting desensitized frighteningly quickly.

It’s teaching yourself to murder.

It’s hating being a murderer.

It’s wanting so badly to go home.

It’s the glint of your axe.

It’s the blood splattering on your face.

It’s a canon.

It’s a gasp.

It’s feeling so incredibly light.

It’s dropping your axe.

It’s hearing the trumpets and your name being announced.

It’s fixing your face into a look of determination.

It’s winning.

* * *

It’s having a panic attack your first time as a Mentor when both of your tributes die in the bloodbath.

It’s saying no to being prostituted.

It’s your family dying.

It’s knowing they died because you said no. 

It’s the look President Snow gives you.

It’s slicing up your arms with a shard from a plate you shattered.

It’s spending four days in the hospital.

It’s falling too deep into your mind and getting stuck, lost.

It’s showing up at Finnick’s suite at two in the morning and crying in front of him for the first time.

It’s going back home.

It’s feeling lost without those you love being there.

It’s not feeling the way you’re told you’re supposed to feel as a Victor.

It’s turning to anger as a defense mechanism.

It’s waking up from nightmares alone.

* * *

It’s being reaped a second time. 

It’s being so incredibly angry.

It’s slicing up your arms again.

It’s being told the rebel plan.

It’s not having a guarantee that you’re going to die.

It’s, for the first time in years, feeling some hope.

It’s cussing out the Capitol on live television.

It’s stripping in the elevator, laughing at the look on Katniss Everdeen’s face when she sees you naked.

It’s confidence. 

It’s being told that your first priority is to keep Katniss alive, and if you can keep yourself alive too, then you can be a part of the rebellion.

It’s getting Nuts and Volts for Katniss.

It’s choking on blood rain.

It’s swearing to yourself that you’d bitch-slap Katniss if it weren’t for the rebellion.

It’s your heart beating too fast when you and Katniss are placing the wire.

It’s Katniss’s arrow pointed at the sky.

It’s the whole Arena coming crashing down around you.

It’s being picked up by a hovercraft that you think is headed for safety.

* * *

It’s being confused when you’re shackled.

It’s realizing where you are.

It’s getting your head shaved.

It’s getting sharp metal wires attached to your skin.

It’s being drenched in freezing water.

It’s voltage.

It’s screaming.

It’s hearing screams.

It’s bearing it for the rebellion.

It’s someone storming into your cell and injecting something into you.

It’s going unconscious. 

It’s waking up and ripping the medical attachments off of yourself, still sure you’re going to be tortured.

It’s being told you’re in District 13.

It’s a wedding.

It’s dancing with Katniss.

It’s going into the rain even though it feels like acid.

It’s flashbacks. 

It’s stealing Katniss’s morphling.

It’s being cut off from stealing Katniss’s morphling.

It’s withdrawal.

It’s recovery. 

It’s being so incredibly grateful when Katniss offers to bunk with you.

It’s pushing yourself in training. 

It’s working your very hardest and still failing your block test when they drench you in freezing water. 

It’s being put back in the hospital. 

It’s Katniss bringing you something that smells like home. 

It’s crying for the first time in years. 

It’s hoping so hard every night that the squads sent into the Capitol are okay. 

It’s receiving news of victory and being flown to the Capitol. 

It’s, despite knowing it’s probably wrong, voting for a symbolic Hunger Games. 

It’s watching with a grin on your face as Katniss shoots Coin in the heart and Snow chokes on his own blood. 

It’s going home. 

It’s feeling less lost this time. 

It’s visiting with the other Victors because despite everything being over, you still have a connection because you were in the Hunger Games. 

It’s, after all that’s happened, still being Johanna Mason, and being okay with that. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you like this oneshot! Johanna is one of my favorite characters, and I thought it would be fun to explore her a bit more. 
> 
> Happy holidays!


End file.
